There's an apartment building for sale in my village (between Turin and Milan). It has 4 1-bedroom apartments, a garden and a great view of the hills. It's super cheap at €95,000 and I fantasise about 4 single people each clubbing in €25,000 to buy it together. Each would have their own space AND close proximity to others. We need both! Plus, who can even get on the property ladder for €25,000 these days??? If you're interested in making my fantasy a reality 😂 I can send you the link on immobiliare.it
Omg and we could host an annual a Substack retreat! Send me the link pls, I have to see it! Unfortunately I don't see myself buying any property in Italy any time soon because a) too poor and b) way too intimidated by the paperwork lol
Having just bought a house in Italy I can confirm, the paperwork is very intimidating and very expensive. If you so much as breathe too loud in your own home, there's a tax to pay 😩
This gives definition to the parts of life from those traveling and living in other parts of the world that we don't hear about. We read about exciting travels, see beautiful images, envy the freedom, and crave the adventure, and yet the loneliness can is real, how can it not be once in a while? I suspect it might be a different type as compared to what we experience in our homeland. Beautifully written.
Liking being alone is one thing, but being lonely is not a great way to feel. That would describe my sister since her husband died nearly three years ago. We all need someone in our lives in some form or another, even if in your case, a cat or dog.
Same. The sass... The mass... The (devil) fluff... I felt so guilty when he suddenly couldn't come around anymore and I don't even really know this cat. Whenever I see him outside he still comes over for a cuddle though, so I think we're good still
What a lovely, vulnerable piece! It's scary to do the catch-and-release thing, especially the release part. But it's part of being a courageous foreigner in a foreign land, part of living in this modern world of online connections and offline isolation...
Thanks! Totally true. The online/offline thing creates a whole other layer of complexities for sure... but at least it's easier to find people online to meet up with offline!
:'( I already miss my friends and I haven't made the move yet!! I think friendships in your 30s are more meaningful so when there is a physical distance it makes it difficult. My parents immigrated to Australia in the 80s when they were in their 30s and left a lot of friendships behind. They literally had to start from scratch since an international call was like $1 a minute and they moved a lot so letters would get lost. Thank god for technology, although it's not the same it is a lot better than before.
Haha okay this is not the most inspiring post to read in your situation. But maybe you'll have a totally different experience! I must agree though that there is something extra difficult about friends and being your thirties... I couldn't even imagine what's it like not having modern technology to help keeping in touch!
Although I moved abroad in a relationship, I can relate to this so hard. Mainly the disconnection between home and here I find very confrontational and hard to accept sometimes. I feel forgotten.
I couldn't have said it better. I just hold on to the fact that I'm sure my friendship are pretty much unbreakable so when I do return, all will be fine again. It's just a shame you can't have it both ways - be traveling/adventurous/nomadic ~and~ have your trusty social core alongside you
I've been going through a similar kind of revelation about myself - the idea that I am not the comfortable-by-myself introvert but rather someone who needs to actively connect and be around people in the last few years. Me and my wife had kind of retreated into our comfortable bubble for the last decade or so and I have been rather content not working on my social muscle or building connections. But then suddenly, as I have neared and now crossed 40, a strange feeling of loneliness has started to grip me. I decided to actively work on it starting this year and almost as if the moment you make a plan, you start seeing opportunities being presented, I think I have been meeting at least one person every week who I'd have otherwise not interacted with. This has become a self fulfilling loop and now my social bucket is overfull and I have the momentary gasping need to be by myself again. But I am loving building this muscle all over again!
Yeah there is a weird hype around introverts (and morning people!!) these days, but some people just gotta socialize. I'm in the middle of getting myself back in the zone too. Finding a sensible middle is always key though!
...chonkers...what a goose...as a proud dog dad of two furry mutts i feel so much of that appreciation for the company of these animals...we had a stray cat a bunch of years back that like sleeping in the bed and cuddling...the only cat my dogs ever tolerated...great read thanks...
It was the first time he went upstairs by himself (after peeing on a bunch of furniture downstairs) and when I distrustingly followed him this is how I found him. It's giving 50% "human, why do you disturb my slumber" and 50% "oh why hello there". And somehow an additional 50% of "I'm a huge ass cat"
I never had cats but I keep hearing the orange ones are beastly haha. It's a stray (I think!) so I have no idea how old he is... Old enough to know how to play me like a fiddle, that's for sure
Beautifully written Jane. I can relate to it on so many levels, about being single in abroad, having those shallow friendships, feeling lonely and wanting to have somebody at times, i guess this is the life we have chosen for now at least. I haven’t been able to embrace it fully yet but i am starting to be ok with it while trying my best to find those meaningful connections. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks! I can imagine it's similar for all immigrants that ventured out alone. (And Lord knows the Dutch aren't the warmest strangers either...) I think all we can do is keep trying to find something meaningful but in the meantime enjoy the fleeting moments just as much, even if they fail to deepen into something 'real'. Hope you'll have a great weekend :)
There's an apartment building for sale in my village (between Turin and Milan). It has 4 1-bedroom apartments, a garden and a great view of the hills. It's super cheap at €95,000 and I fantasise about 4 single people each clubbing in €25,000 to buy it together. Each would have their own space AND close proximity to others. We need both! Plus, who can even get on the property ladder for €25,000 these days??? If you're interested in making my fantasy a reality 😂 I can send you the link on immobiliare.it
Omg and we could host an annual a Substack retreat! Send me the link pls, I have to see it! Unfortunately I don't see myself buying any property in Italy any time soon because a) too poor and b) way too intimidated by the paperwork lol
To your first point, I think any sort of substack meetup in Italy is a great idea! I'm up for coming to Milan
Here's the link so you can just join me in fantasising about the new life the building could have...
Take a look at this listing on Immobiliare. Building · €95,000 · 500m²
https://www.immobiliare.it/en/annunci/107004299/
Having just bought a house in Italy I can confirm, the paperwork is very intimidating and very expensive. If you so much as breathe too loud in your own home, there's a tax to pay 😩
This gives definition to the parts of life from those traveling and living in other parts of the world that we don't hear about. We read about exciting travels, see beautiful images, envy the freedom, and crave the adventure, and yet the loneliness can is real, how can it not be once in a while? I suspect it might be a different type as compared to what we experience in our homeland. Beautifully written.
Thanks Patti. I agree, it's all part of it. But the lonely bit still sucks a little.
Liking being alone is one thing, but being lonely is not a great way to feel. That would describe my sister since her husband died nearly three years ago. We all need someone in our lives in some form or another, even if in your case, a cat or dog.
Absolutely. I wasn't made for the alone life at all. Already filled with dread for the day my dog dies, honestly
🤗💝
I'm officially Mr chonkers' fan. Gorgeous
Same. The sass... The mass... The (devil) fluff... I felt so guilty when he suddenly couldn't come around anymore and I don't even really know this cat. Whenever I see him outside he still comes over for a cuddle though, so I think we're good still
What a lovely, vulnerable piece! It's scary to do the catch-and-release thing, especially the release part. But it's part of being a courageous foreigner in a foreign land, part of living in this modern world of online connections and offline isolation...
Thanks! Totally true. The online/offline thing creates a whole other layer of complexities for sure... but at least it's easier to find people online to meet up with offline!
:'( I already miss my friends and I haven't made the move yet!! I think friendships in your 30s are more meaningful so when there is a physical distance it makes it difficult. My parents immigrated to Australia in the 80s when they were in their 30s and left a lot of friendships behind. They literally had to start from scratch since an international call was like $1 a minute and they moved a lot so letters would get lost. Thank god for technology, although it's not the same it is a lot better than before.
Haha okay this is not the most inspiring post to read in your situation. But maybe you'll have a totally different experience! I must agree though that there is something extra difficult about friends and being your thirties... I couldn't even imagine what's it like not having modern technology to help keeping in touch!
Although I moved abroad in a relationship, I can relate to this so hard. Mainly the disconnection between home and here I find very confrontational and hard to accept sometimes. I feel forgotten.
I couldn't have said it better. I just hold on to the fact that I'm sure my friendship are pretty much unbreakable so when I do return, all will be fine again. It's just a shame you can't have it both ways - be traveling/adventurous/nomadic ~and~ have your trusty social core alongside you
I've been going through a similar kind of revelation about myself - the idea that I am not the comfortable-by-myself introvert but rather someone who needs to actively connect and be around people in the last few years. Me and my wife had kind of retreated into our comfortable bubble for the last decade or so and I have been rather content not working on my social muscle or building connections. But then suddenly, as I have neared and now crossed 40, a strange feeling of loneliness has started to grip me. I decided to actively work on it starting this year and almost as if the moment you make a plan, you start seeing opportunities being presented, I think I have been meeting at least one person every week who I'd have otherwise not interacted with. This has become a self fulfilling loop and now my social bucket is overfull and I have the momentary gasping need to be by myself again. But I am loving building this muscle all over again!
Yeah there is a weird hype around introverts (and morning people!!) these days, but some people just gotta socialize. I'm in the middle of getting myself back in the zone too. Finding a sensible middle is always key though!
...chonkers...what a goose...as a proud dog dad of two furry mutts i feel so much of that appreciation for the company of these animals...we had a stray cat a bunch of years back that like sleeping in the bed and cuddling...the only cat my dogs ever tolerated...great read thanks...
Stray cats just hit different haha I think dogs can appreciate that. Except mine, who hates all cats equally 🙃
...i get a kick out of my cattle cat (dog) spending all afternoon yelling at the neighbor dog and then just garfielding on the couch...ah...nimals...
I havent read this yet, Jane, but I had to comment on that seductive cat pose. That man is feeling himself =P
It was the first time he went upstairs by himself (after peeing on a bunch of furniture downstairs) and when I distrustingly followed him this is how I found him. It's giving 50% "human, why do you disturb my slumber" and 50% "oh why hello there". And somehow an additional 50% of "I'm a huge ass cat"
Hahaha how old? I have a big orange boy too and I know how insanely sassy they can be
I never had cats but I keep hearing the orange ones are beastly haha. It's a stray (I think!) so I have no idea how old he is... Old enough to know how to play me like a fiddle, that's for sure
Beautifully written Jane. I can relate to it on so many levels, about being single in abroad, having those shallow friendships, feeling lonely and wanting to have somebody at times, i guess this is the life we have chosen for now at least. I haven’t been able to embrace it fully yet but i am starting to be ok with it while trying my best to find those meaningful connections. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks! I can imagine it's similar for all immigrants that ventured out alone. (And Lord knows the Dutch aren't the warmest strangers either...) I think all we can do is keep trying to find something meaningful but in the meantime enjoy the fleeting moments just as much, even if they fail to deepen into something 'real'. Hope you'll have a great weekend :)
Beautiful read, Jane. Give the doggy a belly scratch from me.
Will do!